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Resume

by Came and Took It

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1.
I’m straddling the line Half raw, half burned to ashes Hope I get it right this time I’m refining all of my theories of why you can’t depend on me I’ll fuck up something else along the way It’s a never ending science fair All are welcome, stop and stare This project here is called “Don’t Drink, Now Pray” And you’re talking, talking straight through me while I’m diligently nitpicking Changes in my mood Reverse engineering I could look down my nose at this cheap coffee Or pretend to notice subtleties Truth be told, take what I can to get high It seems to me that steeper goals correlate to deeper holes More complicated situations to rectify It seems I have no say in this So I’ll keep on beating dead horses If we can’t come to grips with this Then we’ll keep on beating dead horses
2.
Write me off for feeling gratitude. Write me off. I won’t intrude Open wound, just let it fester. Open mouth, cease and sequester If you ever decide I’m worth your time, I’m always down the street I can’t comprehend what you’ve been through, but you don’t know where I’ve been. Walking away is just giving up, and it’s last call for recompense. Write me off for needing company. Write me off because it’s easy. Open heart, thrown in the dumpster. You can try, but you can’t trust her.
3.
Sleep 03:07
What’s on your mind? Channeled thoughts relay It’s getting so damn late I can see it in your face Wish I was in tune with the moon like you The sun and I can’t wait to talk And the stars get pieces of me too And you sleep sleep sleep for both of us Try to pry open your eyes A moment capsized I’d never dream of shaking you awake But I never dream at all I’ll just keep quiet for your sake You’re gonna break all of my bones someday With exhilarated rage Or you’ll exit the stage It ain’t October no more, my dear I’ll be counting down the days And welcome fall leaves next year Exaggeration gets the best of me But I can’t exaggerate the stars Mercury, Mars, the galaxy They’re calling us They’re calling us tonight They asked for numbers And I couldn’t help but give them yours and mine
4.
Unfolded maps and dreams of one-way tickets drew the borders of me and you. Through a federation crumbling, I sought unadultered sovereignty. So I killed one dream to conquer the next one. I killed one dream to conquer the next one. I needed conquest. You needed Los Angeles. I hope the evergreen palms are treating you right, And the 405 isn’t wasting away your life. Suffering and sacrifice - See it all but can’t sleep at night I’m leaving you in the shadow of the Shrine Sacrifice and suffering - See it all. Lose everything. For leaving you in the shadow of the Shrine Declarations permeate these pages of expeditions seeking scattered truths. For treaties with the great unknown, the annexation of a whole.
5.
Waves 02:43
So now you’re telling me I’ve gotta do this on my own You’re taking off to bleach your hands Tell me you’re kidding please You’re not much of a prankster Not one to scoff Well I’ll be damned What happened to forever yours? Seems you’re just forever sore You lost all faith in me Moved out to Hawaii Hope those waves remind you of my ups and downs What’s this? You’re calling me You need a friend and miss the way we used to laugh Well I’m out of jokes Cuz you took all of me Spread my ashes here and there along your path since we last spoke I’ve got to say I admire you I think I’ll say that you’re a liar too
6.
Résumé 03:36
Scrape my knuckles against carpeted walls Swear I’m all tied up when anyone calls But I haven’t got shit to do Except stare at pages, drive in circles, drain accounts all day, and think of you All I need’s a foot in the door Seductive lies and foolish pride You keep on wanting more Somebody take me in Locking desperate eyes with the factory foreman At least for now I won’t let you down For at the moment hand is steady Mind is sound Please list your skills Here’s number one Making a fool of myself and everyone Look at me Look what I can do Talk myself up til my face turns blue You can count on me I won’t steer you wrong Til I get distracted or something better comes along Shaky hands pull my own weight Til blood and rotgut are forced to separate So how’s my résumé?
7.
Pass me the drill So I can hit the itch that’s in my bones I’ll try a different pill Will it sort me out, or will it only get me stoned? I’ve been getting sleep And dreams that drag me off with you Far away Such an evil tease I get drug back and never get to stay Maybe all pleasure’s a relief And there’s pressure building underneath All my old remedies They’ve lost efficacy I guess I’ve lost some faith in you and me and chemistry This is not a drill A real bait and switch I wasn’t supposed to be alone I swallowed all the pills I nearly made it out or I almost made it home I just needed sleep More I had of you, more I needed On and on I’m lying through my teeth Every time I say I’m really glad you’re gone
8.
100% 02:32
Chew me up and spit me out. Like bad Chinese food on a Lazy Susan, it keeps on comin’ round. Caught in my teeth, that awful taste Of bile and failure, chewed up pills, and chances pissed away One course never seems to satiate a world that loves you on your knees. All signposts seem to say… Sometimes your best just ain’t enough. Gonna struggle til your heart explodes and never make the cut. Now you’re damaged goods on a sinking ship, too stubborn to give up. Whoa oh, you know your best just ain’t enough. You forge that smile. Pick up your chin. Your broken soul back in the saddle, ride straight against the wind. Try not to think. Try not to feel. Just try to make it through today. One day you never will. Kill your woes the quickest way you know. Resolve, repose, then back in line you go.
9.
Filters 02:54
These eyes got filters I’ve been peeling back So much red and blue that I’ve been seeing black Tell me why can’t I keep from looking back? Sentimental goo just seeping through the cracks Don’t you slip Let me slide right away And get this loneliness underway The temporary nature of it all is sinking in And where I go, there I am I keep walking Taking steps, no pacing ‘round Slow and steady, but my feet stay on the ground We’ve been talking Why you keeping me around? Find some use for me I’m just spent coffee grounds Resilient How many lives we got girl? You’re brilliant Kept my head in a whirl My buzzing mind Jumping from thought to thought Catastrophize Make my worst fears come to life
10.
Kicked in the teeth, cut down at the knees. Won’t ya gimme a drag before I leave For the next disaster or another dream? It’s better than it seems. Cooperation and compromise never made it eye-to-eye. With endless bad decisions, it’s more fun to just go blind. Measure of accomplishments and meaningless success Don’t hold a light to abandonment or willful recklessness. Desert mouth and heavy lids, man, nothing doesn’t hurt. Save for my soul and attitude and benchmark of self worth. Queen-size mattress, pillow top, left tossing in my sleep. Station bench will do just fine. Exhaustion be thy sheet.
11.
Unrealized 03:05
I’m feeling nauseous, incongruent. Despite velocity, I’m never moving. Fight or flight, unable to flee. And faking’s fooling everyone but me. Keep telling yourself one day it’ll change. But you can’t help feeling that it’s all in vain. Maybe I’m lost. Maybe I always was. If the stars don’t ever align, I’ll just become, Unrealized, unrecognizable, Ostracized, marginalized, and forgettable. This comedy is killing me. I’m laughing so hard I can barely breathe. Behind this smile, it’s all fracturing. The ship has sailed. It’s sailing without me. Maybe I’ve lost. Maybe I always had. Out of sync and on the brink of complete collapse. Demoralized and unpersuadable Unstabilized, just feeling fried and expendable. Expendable.
12.
Back home every day feels just like Christman Looking across the table towards sickened eyes Veiled with shallow tolerance Lacquered smiles meant to say that they accept you Tainted with furrowed brows Underscoring they don’t want you in the gene pool Why don’t you say what you really mean? Call me a socialist Call me a commie Call me a kike Call me a threat to God and country Add me to the blacklist Picket my existence Burn my effigy But for the sake of all that’s holy Don’t call me human Wave your flags and sloganeer Like it’s your savior’s fucking birthday Preach your programmed fucking values Til they’ve lost all sense of meaning Fictionalize history Fly the banner of theocracy The Age of Reason’s dead But fear’s alive Like all good zealots, you’re gonna need a scape And I think I know just who the target’s on Locked and loaded Armed to your gilded teeth It’s like the son of god’s birthday And I’m the enemy

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released October 24, 2018

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Came and Took It Fort Collins, Colorado

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